7:10 PM, Tuesday, April 28, 2009
This is my situation right now
Via http://www.lovehealth.org/books/letgo.htm
"LET GO! - LET GOD! is a basic tenet of the ancient health and relaxation art of Yoga. Letting go is the ultimate answer to distress, when all else fails. Resisting and rejecting our present experience sometimes just keeps us locked in struggle against it - wasting valuable energy that could go into creative transformation into new patterns and new perceptions. There is a wise saying which goes "What we resist, persists".
Letting go is the ultimate protection against "Burnout"!
Letting go and accepting what is happening does not have to mean "quitting" or "giving up". It means allowing a "space" to occur - a space which can become a crucible of creativity. Letting go opens the door to working in harmony with what is inevitable, rather than using our energy to fight against what is inevitable. As we let go of our wilful need to change the world, we come into our power to transform ourselves, or at least to try a different approach or attitude.
If you believe in a God or other divine mechanism at work in the world and in your life experiences, then the letting go principle is much easier to accept. If you are non-religious, then just try it on the basis that "I have tried everything else and I am still stuck" - many people have found it helpful.
Like all human behaviour, "Letting go" has to be kept in balance. If we take it too literally or do it too often (I call this "spiritual dependency") we may be asking for trouble - surely we are required to take some responsibility for our own life! In The Bible, the prophet Jesus was tempted by the devil to throw himself from a high place and trust that God would rescue him - Jesus wisely refused to abuse the divine power of caring and compassion in this selfish and lazy way.
Why stay stuck? - Why stay locked in struggle, suffering or obsession? Liberate your heart, mind and soul today... "
Speaking of not letting go, God is just not letting go of a situation, even though I was ready a long time ago...so I thought. He continues to show what love is, how love works and to ALWAYS love. This is so hard because my emotions feel so much other wise..my anger is so much otherwise.
But God is not angry.
He is a fully merciful loving God.
I turn my back on him all the time. Yet when I turn back, He is there with open arms..no questions asked.
I feel maybe this is how I should be. I want to love like my God. I know I have made mistakes, said some hurtful things to people. Why do I deserve to be embraced by the God who hears me reject him when I myself can't do it in relationships? I know there is a point when you HAVE to turn away but if there is something in your heart you know God has put there, you just cannot ignore it.
Even if it ends up being one step forward and 10 steps backwards, there is always something new I learn from going through it. Always.
Winds Of Change - Kutless
Wrapped around you like they're chains
Restricting all your dreams
Do you wonder if there is a way?
A way to set you free
Set you free
So tell me all your dreams
Tell me all your fears and what you're longing for the most
It's not another way that'll end up the same for it's under my control
Do you feel the winds of change
Soon this weight will fall away
And take you to a place
Only found through these winds of change
A breeze that's new and free
New and free
I'll be the one who you can cry to
The one who will give you wings
I will give wings
Someday we'll sail away
Mounted up on wings like eagles
We will run and will not fade away
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2:17 AM,
To the person who is getting here by google-ing my name..I know who you are...and I am listening. And I did hear you a few nights ago.
That's all.
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1:36 PM, Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Sad.....
This has been a pretty crappy week. But I did get an 88 on my math test so that is good.
I hate feeling looked down upon. I hate when people use other people to get information about me.
I hate feeling like I am stupid...esp in school. Today we got exams back and I studied my butt off..all night.. A girl next to me never studies and only looks at things briefly and she got over a 100%. How is this even possible? For someone who STUDIES..and get's a way lower grade..it just isn't right.
everything doesn't feel right ....
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3:53 PM, Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Re-doing
Got sick of my last template. Am re doing this layout etc. Decided to use blogger through my domain instead of wordpress! Stay tuned!!!
xo
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5:28 PM, Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I Can't Do It.
I am so tired.
Spiritually, emotionally, physically.
The person I like just doesn't get it.
I hate when a song comes on that reminds me of Andrea.
I wish my dreams could be reality sometimes.
I wish I could take chance, get over my fears, and do a certain thing I have not done before. I cry about it yet I can't seem to take the first step to do it.
Fuck Cancer
Fuck Cancer
Fuck Cancer.
x how many hours it has kept me up crying at night.
I know I cuss.. sorry. But I am not, really. There is not another word to justify its tremendous loss it brings to family, friends, husbands, sisters, wives, and children.
I miss you, angel face.
my throat hurts from trying to keep it in.
I don't know why it has been so rough this week.
I Believe - Diamond Rio
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